Distraction
by Lizwontcry
Summary: For years, Gil Grissom has wanted to be with Sara Sidle, but there's always something getting in the way. What will it take to make him see the error of his ways?
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own anything...I might have shamelessly stolen some of their words but I still don't own 'em!**

**A/N - I just watched all of season 5 and was kind of intriuged by Grissom and Sofia. I mean, he asked her to dinner! Of course, as a fierce Grissom and Sara shipper, this annoyed me greatly. But at the same time, I thought his fascination with Sofia kind of went hand in hand with his thing for Sara. Sooo... this will sound all pro-Sofia and Grissom for the first couple of chapters, but believe me, that's not the ultimate objective here! It will eventually be GSR. I didn't like Sofia the second she stepped in that elevator with Grissom. Now that Sara and Gil being together is canon, I don't mind her so much. :) Anyway, here we go.**

Gil Grissom did not want to be at this "dinner" for Conrad Ecklie. He was now the assistant lab director and Grissom was not what you would call excited about that. But somebody had to be the assistant lab director, and Grissom didn't want to do it. Too much politics for him.

While he sat at the table with his colleagues, not worried or concerned about the speech he was being forced to give, his pager went off. There was a 419 and Grissom was on back-up for swing shift. He shrugged at Catherine, who gave him a murderous look, and gave her the napkin he wrote his speech on. Well, part of his speech. Well, the very beginning of his speech. Okay, the first sentence of his speech.

Grissom walked swiftly out just as the sheriff was calling him to the podium. He knew Catherine would handle it with her usual class and humor.

Relieved at having escaped the dinner before he had to fake his way through his speech, he drove to the Four Seasons and stepped into the elevator that would lead him to his newest crime scene. He tugged a little at his tux, trying to get it to be no so...constricting. He was not a formal kind of man, and the tuxedo he had on felt...different. Not exactly bad, but just different.

The elevator stopped and an attractive female with a slinky red dress stepped in. She greeted him and he said hello. He hoped she didn't try to engage him in small talk. He was not a fan of the small talk. He preferred to stay in his own thoughts. But to be nice, he asked, "What floor do you want?"

She gave him a long glance and in spite of himself, he noticed a little sweat collecting at his brow. What is this? He thought to himself. Why in the world is this strange woman making me sweat? She was making him nervous, and Gil Grissom liked to think he had nerves of steel.

The woman said, "Where do you think I'm going?" To which Gil replied, "I wouldn't know."

She glanced at him again, and again he felt the sweat. Damn it! What is with this woman?

"You don't recognize me, do you?" She asked.

Gil tried to place her and couldn't find her in his extensive memory banks.

"Apparently not," he said, again trying to be polite.

"In the lab, I wear my hair up," she said helpfully.

Recognition finally dawned on Gil and he said, "Ah, yes, you work for Ecklie."

"As of tonight, so do you," Sofia Curtis said, and the elevator stopped and they stepped off together.

The case turned out to be at the site of some high schooler's homecoming. Sofia and Gil found Jim Brass at the scene, and he filled them in on what happened.

The DB was Nicole Jensen, a teenager. She was lying on her side, surrounded by pools of vomit. Gil and Sofia took stock of the scene and scattered to do their respective duties.

Later, Brass and Grissom eventually found their way to the balcony, where Sofia already was. Brass filled Gil in about the owner of the hotel, Charlie Macklin, let his daughter have the suite for her homecoming party.

While Brass was talking, Gil noticed Sofia pulling her dress out of her jumpsuit, and he instantly became intruiged. After all, he was a man and she was a very attractive woman.

Sofia noticed Gil watching her. Of course she did, didn't she want him to? She said, "I can barely move in this dress and we haven't cleared the bathroom yet, so there it is. Don't worry, I'm wearing underwear."

Gil raised an eyebrow and went back to processing the scene. He also found himself wondering about this woman. He didn't know many women who stripped at crime scenes, and she caught his attention. She was new, interesting, obviously intelligent, and he thought she also kind of exuded an interesting sort of blatant sexuality.

He thought about the other women in his life. Catherine always had that sexuality about her and wasn't afraid to use it to her advantage. Gil had known Catherine a long time, and sometimes he felt sorry for his friend. It became obvious over the years that sometimes she used her sexuality too much and it got in the way of the ultimate goal. He admired and respected her and enjoyed having her as a friend and colleague. He enjoyed her companionship, especially when he found he couldn't relate to his younger colleagues. It just sometimes pained him to watch her turn to her assets to get what she wanted, and oh, yes, he had seen her do that before. He thought, no, he _knew_ she was an attractive woman. And though they had a casual flirtation, nothing ever went too far between them. It was a relationship based on friendship, and neither of them wanted to jeopardize that by crossing the line.

And, of course, when his mind turned to his younger colleagues, it immediately turned to Sara. Sara Sidle. Sara wasn't like Sofia, she didn't carry herself the same way at all. Even though Sara could be flirtatious, she wasn't exuding sexuality. She didn't use it as a badge like Sofia was doing so blatantly. But Sara...she didn't have that sexual charge about her, but Grissom still found her sexy. Achingly, heartbreakingly sexy. He found her...intoxicating. He was fascinated by how passionate she became with some of the cases she was on. All the crime that she's seen in her life, and she sill gets upset on certain cases? Gil admired that. He liked passion. He liked her. But something inside him didn't, couldn't do anything about it. He spent hours thinking about it, and came up with a conclusion: he didn't want to hurt her. But he was also getting the impression that not doing anything was hurting her in a more distinct way.

Gil knew Sara had...feelings for him. And over the years it had become a problem. When he was talking to Dr. Lurie in the interrogation room that day, he knew for a fact Sara was behind the glass. And he said what he had to say to Lurie partly to make Lurie want to confess, which it didn't. But also partly because he wanted Sara to give up on him. He was an old man, incapable of making a young, beautiful woman like her happy. She was too full of life to be dragged down by him. And so he told Dr. Lurie that he couldn't do it, and he knew he was hurting Sara, but she had to hear it. She had to know he couldn't make the sacrifice without dragging them both down. And at the time, he meant it.

But now, as he watched his sexy colleague Sofia work a crime scene, he was attracted to her. He wondered things about her. While he took pictures and talked to Brass about the scene, he also pictured Sofia naked, soft and hard and feminine and raucous.

They all headed back inside. While Sofia processed the scene, she talked out loud. Gil didn't know if she was talking to him or to herself. If she was talking to him, it all sounded like a bunch of gibberish.

"No beer or liquor," Sofia said, taking pictures. "Just water, yogurt and OJ. Mixers -- not for drinks. Maybe for drugs. Right pH in the stomach speeds the buzz along. I think there's narco around here somewhere."

Gil finally had to ask. "Are you talking to me?"

She said no. He asked if she always processes scenes with her mouth.

"Whenever I meet someone new, I say their name aloud a few times. It keeps a picture in my head."

Interesting, Gil thought. Strange, but interesting indeed.

And so it went for much of the night. Sofia talking to herself, Gil looking at her and become more intrigued as the minutes ticked by. He wanted to know more about her. He wanted to know what books she read, what movies she watched, what she though of Conrad Ecklie. He would ask her, someday. For now there was a scene to process and a murder to solve.


	2. Chapter 2

**We all liked Nesting Dolls, right? So enjoy this chapter. :)**

A few weeks later, Conrad Ecklie decided he was going to throw some power around.

Gil had been in court during an appeal, and he noticed a fingerprint on a matchbook that hadn't been there during the original trial. He reopened the case, and that raised Ecklie's suspicions. Everyone else in the lab rolled their eyes at Ecklie's show of power, but they weren't rolling anything when he decided to open an inquiry into Grissom's supervisory skills.

Everyone in the lab was a target. Ecklie talked to Catherine, Sara, Nicky, Warrick, and anyone else who ever talked to Grissom. Sofia was on quality control and reviewed Grissom's case to see if there were any irregularities.

When the interrogation, which lasted several days, was finally over, Sofia and Gil found themselves in Ecklie's office.

"As I know you are aware, I've asked Sofia to review your handling of the Max Larson homicide," Ecklie said to Grissom. He then asked Sofia,

"Did Supervisor Grissom violate any procedures in mishandling the evidence?"

Sofia looked at Grissom with a very tired look in her eyes.

"I don't believe he mishandled anything," she said, keeping her eyes on him. "He followed laboratory protocol, and when he saw that the evidence didn't correspond to his records, he notified the D.A. and recused himself from case review."

Ecklie continued pressing her about the case and she continued to stand up for Grissom.

When he was done trying to coerce something else out of Sofia, he then showed them how rough he could play. He told Grissom and Sofia that effective immediately, Catherine was the new swing shift supervisor and Warrick and Nick will report to her. Sofia was then being demoted to work nights with Sara and Greg with Grissom as supervisor.

Gil couldn't believe it. Why did this man wield his power in such a way? But Sofia was more than angry, she was crestfallen. She had been supervisor on days, acting supervisor anyway, and now she was being demoted. Gil felt sorry for her. He felt sorry for her in a very tangible way.

And later, when he thought about it, he was grateful to Sofia. She had come in with her sultry demanor and strange way of doing things, and she took his mind right off that which was Sara Sidle. He still saw her every day, she was still on his team. But when he finally rested his head on his pillow and turned the light off after a hard day, he thought of her less and less. He thought that was better for everyone. And now when he drifted off to sleep, his thoughts were of Sofia Curtis. They weren't exactly sexual, and they weren't exactly romantic. He wanted to get to know her better, and until then, she was kind of haunting him. That is what intrigued him. It wasn't like him to be like this, so...impulsive about a woman. But, and he had to admit to himself, there was just something about her.

For a few weeks after that, everyone in the lab tried to adjust to Ecklie's command. Warrick, Nick and Catherine tried to adjust themselves to their new schedules. Sofia tried to make herself at home with Grissom's team, but she was finding that a little hard with Sara Sidle always in the way. She knew Sara didn't trust her. She suspected Sara didn't like her for different reasons, but she kept those suspicions to herself. Greg tried and succeeded at finally passing the proficiency to become a true blue CSI. There was a lot going on, and Grissom's mind, for the most part, stayed on the cases. Until Sara was suspended, that is.

Gil came in early that day because Catherine found 2 bodies encased in tar. He was fascinated by the prospect of getting them out, and he and Catherine worked for a few hours on doing just that. When his shift started, he conveniently disappeard, but told Catherine she could use Sara if she need to for the case.

He heard later from Catherine that she and Sara got into it earlier in the day.

"What happened exactly?" Gil asked, worry gathering in his mind.

"God, Gil, I don't know. She takes these domestic violence cases too seriously. I mean, we all do, but it's like...she has some kind of agenda when it comes to these people. I called her on it, some words were exchanged, and Ecklie overheard. He called her in his office, reprimanded her and gave her a week's suspension. I think it was the right thing to do. She was a little out of control, Gil. Ecklie told me he wants you to fire her. And frankly...I like the girl, but, Gil...she needs something, and maybe a different line of work could be the answer.

Gil raised his eyebrows. "She may be...temperamental, but we need her."

"We need her, or you need her?" Catherine asked snottily.

Grissom looked taken aback.

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little shaken. You should really go talk to her. She needs somebody to talk to, and I don't think she has anybody."

Grissom thought about it and nodded. "Okay."

Before anyone could stop him. he walked straight out the door, into his car, and drove to Sara's house. He had only been there once - Sara had a little party for her coworkers a few years ago - but he knew exactly where it was. He had to know what was bothering her. She always took domestic violence cases almost personally, and he had to know why. He knew he might have been crossing a line to go to her house like this, but he reasoned that he was just being a friend. He was more than her boss, like she told him just a few days ago when he asked her about her PEAP counseling. He managed to look plenty confused when she said that, but he knew what she was getting at. He was more than a boss. He was even more than a friend, but he didn't know where one line began and the other ended. He didn't know how to cross that line. He didn't know if he wanted to cross that line. He wasn't sure if it was worth crossing that line.

He got to her townhouse, a small piece of real estate with a quaint yard in the front absent of flowers. He knocked on her door. He heard music drifting in and out of her place, so he knew she would be there.

She answered the door, looking tired and frustrated.

"Well, if you're here, it can't be good," she said, letting him in.

"I talked to Catherine," he said, trying to avoid her eyes.

"Ecklie?" She asked.

"He wants me to fire you."

"I figured."

Gil asked her what happened, and she said she lost her temper. He prodded her, she said, "What difference does it make? I'm still fired."

"It makes a difference to me," he said. And it did. God, it hurt him somewhere deep inside to see her hurting like this. He wondered why she affected him this way. His other proteges, Greg and Nick and Warrick, he had a special bond with all of them but it was nothing like this. He shared in their pain, of course, but it never struck him so deep in his...soul...like Sara was seemingly doing right now.

She mumbled some half-hearted excuses.

"I have a problem with authority. I choose men who are emotionally unavailable." She sort of gestured towards him and he frowned. Well, she was right, but it still stung.

She went on, and Gil listened, paid attention. He prodded her some more about what was bothering her and she told him to leave it alone. He tells her no, he will not leave it alone, and she asks why. He says, "Because I want to know why you're so angry."

She finally broke down and let her supervisor-slash-whatever see how vulnerable she could be.

Sara told him about her parents. Her mother and father were always angry at each other, and she thought that was the norm. But when her mom murdered her father while Sara watched, she figured out it wasn't. She said she was worried she might have a violent streak, like it was an inherited behavior. And then...she broke down in tears.

Grissom knew there must have been something in Sara's past that triggered her anger, but he had no idea it was something like this. The things she must have seen...how did she deal with them at such a young age? He didn't know what else to do, so he reached out and grabbed her hand. He let her cry all she needed to. Eventually, he moved over to her and sat down next to her. She cried on his shoulder while he murmured reassuring thoughts in her ear. And strangely, he wanted to do more. He wanted to kiss her, kiss the tears off her face. But this wasn't the time. She was pouring her heart out to him, not trying to seduce him. Yet, the vulnerability she was showing made him ache.

He moved his arm a little, and she looked up at him, tears in her eyes, and said, "Please...don't go yet."

He didn't.


	3. Chapter 3

A few days later, Gil and Sofia were working on a case involving a bear and an adulterous husband. They were examining the body of a Lori Kyman, found somewhere in the Nevada desert.

As they were examining Lori's body, they found themselves getting into somewhat of philosophical discussion. They were talking about how DNA defines a person, and Gil made the argument that basically a person's identity is created as soon as the sperm hits the egg. Sofia seemed to have a problem with that, and argued that identity is made up of life experiences.

"Our brain neurons process our relationship to the world and to each other," she said. Neither of them were missing a beat in the examination, but they were having a pretty heated conversation.

Gil admitted, "I stand corrected. DNA is not who we are, it's what we are."

Sofia said, "What we are never changes. Who we are never stops changing."

Later, Gil found himself wondering once again about this Sofia. She was completely adamant about how DNA is only in your cells, it doesn't make who you are. But he didn't really agree with that, and that fascinated him. She was like...a breath of fresh air. He decided he needed to do something about this, if only to get to know her just a little bit better.

There was another reason, of course. He had to do something to get Sara off his mind. He was just as focused as he always was, but he again found his mind drifting away to Sara, and everything she's seen in her life, and how...warm and comfortable and safe she was when he put his arms around her. He found that Sofia was something, someone else to think about. He didn't find her threatening or vulnerable. He found her to be interesting. He found her to be a peer with whom he could have a discussion with without it turning personal. What he didn't know was if first of all, she felt the same way, or second of all, he wanted it to be more than that.

Gil wasn't good with these things, anyway, these...relationships. He just preferred to go to work and fixate on what he could do to fix the situation. But he was getting older and finding that he craved some kind of companionship. Sofia happened to come along and spark something in him that lay nearly dead for years. But was it her that he wanted, or somebody else?

One night, after wrapping up the Lori Kyman case, Sofia ventured into Gil's office. He said, "You did a good job on the case."

Sofia told Grissom that she enjoyed working with him, but she didn't enjoy the direction the lab was heading. She liked Grissom's team, but didn't appreciate her demotion.

"My demotion was undeserved, and every day, I'm reminded of that," she said, looking at the floor.

Gil smiled at her and said, "Well. Someone once said, 'What we are never changes, but who we are never stops changing.'"

Sofia looked up from the floor and gave Grissom a killer smile. It was sexy and genuine and he couldn't stand it any longer.

"Let's have dinner, shall we?" He said, grinning. She grinned back. He got his stuff together, turned off the light in his office, and they walked out of the lab together, neither looking behind them. They didn't see Sara standing in the hallways, turning around just to see them walking out of the lab together. She shook her head and walked away, too busy to care.

They chose a rundown Mexican food joint that had awesome enchiladas. They talked about work over chips and salsa, and Gil tried to talk her out of leaving.

"Look, Ecklie...Ecklie's Ecklie. Don't let him get to you like this. We all know that you're capable of being a supervisor. This is merely a small setback. Until then, work with my team, do well and show 'em what you're made of."

Sofia snickered.

"I already did that, Gil." He stiffened a little with how much ease she called him by his first name. He wasn't used to that. "That's how I became a supervisor. Ecklie's just pissed because I didn't find anything wrong with how you handled the case with the fingerprint on the matchbook. I just...I don't really know what else to do here."

"Don't leave yet, okay? We need someone like you. We need someone to balance out Sara and Greg, and you're doing a wonderful job. I'd like very much for you to stay on our team."

Gil continued to try to convince her, and she listened to all his suggestions and they talked it out. She seemed grateful that he was there to help her with the situation. He was grateful that she was taking his mind off Sara and providing him with decent companionship. When their food came, Gil took that time to ask Sofia about her life. She was born in Baltimore. Her mom was a cop and her dad was a high school teacher. Her favorite book was The Stand by Stephen King, which took Gil by surprise. Her favorite movie was Jerry Maguire, which GIl did not approve of. He only liked older movies.

Sofia even asked Gil if he wanted a bite of her enchilada, but he was busy with his own fajitas, so he declined.

When they were done, they ordered desserts. They both clearly had no desire to end their conversation.

Sofia took a bite of her flan and looked thoughtful. Grissom wondered what was going on inside her head. Finally, she said, "Can I speak candidly with you?"

"Of course," Gil said, relieved that she felt comfortable enough to do so.

"I like working with your team. I think Greg's great, even though he is pretty new at this. And Sara...well, she's a very capable CSI but sometimes she can be a little...emotional."

"Yeah. Yeah, she is. She had a pretty rough childhood, though. And believe it or not, she's a lot calmer than she used to be. She's really making strides, actually. Sofia, I know she's a little tough to get a read on, but when she gets to know you better, you'll be best of friends."

"I don't imagine that will ever happen. Especially because she thinks I'm trying to make the moves on her man."

Grissom stopped eating his ice cream and stared at her in disbelief.

"Excuse me?"

"Look, I know we don't know each other that well, but for some reason, I feel comfortable enough to say this to you. Sara obviously feels protective of you. I've seen the way she looks at you and I've heard the way she talks to me."

"Oh, she just feels that way because-"

Sofia put her hand on Grissom's, and he was quiet.

"I know I may regret saying this, but I think you should know. She's in love with you, and I know you realize that. I don't know if you've realized yet that you're in love with her, but hopefully you'll get to that soon enough."

Grissom had no clue what to say to this woman. What the hell was going on here?

"She thinks I'm trying to get my claws into you, and maybe she was right at first. You have to admit, we do have a rapport. But I'm not one to get in the way of a couple who doesn't even know they're a couple yet."

"Sofia, I...I don't know what to say. I don't think you really know what exactly is happening. It's complicated. I'm her supervisor. She's...emotional. It could get very messy."

"And it could be the best thing that's ever happened to you. I know that you probably don't have someone in your life to confide in, and that's why I'm doing this. You can call it an intervention, maybe. I just happen to think that you two shouldn't spend another minute without each other."

And then Grissom broke down. He realized he did need someone to confide in, and this woman, this beautiful, intelligent and arrogant woman wanted to let him. He told her about Sara breaking down and revealing what happened to her as a child. He told her about how he had admired Sara for a long time but was never able to make anything happen. He told her about how scared he was, and how scared he would be if never did anything about it.

"I have to admit, I do find you to be quite interesting," he said. "If Sara wasn't in the picture--"

"Well, she is," Sofia said, a sad smile on her face. "In another life, maybe it could have happened. But in this one? You know who you belong with. I just kinda...shook you up a little bit. I hope you'll take the next step, Gil."

By the time he finished pouring out his soul, the restaurant was far past closing. They reluctuantly walked out, arm in arm, and headed back to work.

Grissom never expected this woman to be his conscience, but she was, and he had never been so grateful. He had a new purpose in life now, and he couldn't wait to fulfill it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, let me explain a little where I'm coming from on this one since this whole Sofia thing seems to, um, strike a nerve. You gotta think Sara and Grissom got together somewhere between Committed and, obviously, Way to Go. And he asks Sofia to dinner and they have a mild flirtation going on for a few episodes at the same time he's going to Sara's and holding her hand and freaking out when she gets attacked at the hospital. So, therefore, I thought Sofia might have had a part in all this, ya see?!**

**Anyway, thanks for the reviews. I've got at least one more chapter in me, after that, we'll have to see. :)**

It took Grissom 2 months to finally both manage to get Sara alone and get up the nerve to tell her what he had been rehearsing in his head. And all it took was an inmate at an insane asylum to nearly cut Sara's throat.

Grissom and Sara were investigating a murder at Desert State Mental Hospital. Grissom knew Sara was uncomfortable before she even stepped inside, but she waved it off, saying she could handle it. But when the patient they were investigating for murder, Adam Trent, cornered Sara and almost very much cut her throat, Grissom knew he had made a mistake by taking her to this place. He made the biggest mistake, one that would continue to haunt him for many months, when he wandered away from the nurse's station where Sara was to find someone who could open some drawers. He left Sara alone and vulnerable, and sure enough, Adam Trent attacked. And when Gil realized something was going on, he raced to the station and watched what was happening with horror. He didn't know what Adam would do to Sara, and this scared Gil to his very soul. He watched helplessly, yelling for someone to just unlock the damn door already.

When Sara got away and raced out of the room, she confided again in Gil about her many trips to the hospital as a child. And when she was done, Gil held her hand once again. And then he said, "I realize this is a bad time to ask, but will you have dinner with me tomorrow? I...want to talk." He wanted to talk to her then and there. He wanted to take her away from this bad place, take her in his arms and whisk her away from all the dangers that the world contained for her, but they still had work to do. A lot of work.

"Yeah, I would...I would like that," she said, looking him in the eye. They shared a look that lasted just a little too long.

When Grissom went home that afternoon, he found himself wanting nothing more than to sleep. Usually after a shift he found something to occupy himself for a few hours before getting an hour or two of sleep before the next shift. But that afternoon was different. All he wanted to do was drift off into unconsciousness.

He dreamed. He dreamed about waking up foggily, peeling the sleep out of his eyes, throwing some water on his face. He dreamed about getting in his car, driving to Sara's apartment and knocking loudly on her door. He dreamed about how she opened the door after a few minutes, having just woken up herself. He dreamed of staying silent and letting his hands do the talking. He dreamed of taking her hand, leading her inside her own apartment, pinning her against the wall and giving her a long, slow, passionate kiss that said anything he needed to say. He dreamed of her smiling, a smile so content and happy it made his heart ache. He dreamed of them moving to the bedroom, where they performed in bed what they had been dancing around for too many years to count. He dreamed of them falling asleep together, sweaty and satisfied.

He didn't want to wake up from this dream but eventually he did. He thought for one second about getting his car and acting out his dream, but what if something were to go wrong? What if she wasn't at home? What if she took his gestures the wrong way? What if she didn't want the same things he wanted? Grissom was just too logical for something like that to happen. He wished to be impulsive and crazy, but he wasn't. He was a supervisor, a boss, a mentor, and he would act like one.

The next night, a few hours before shift, Sara met Gil at her favorite vegetarian restaurant, Komol. She insisted she'd go wherever he wanted, but he insisted more that they go to where she wanted. He could deal with vegetarian food for one night, he told her. He knew she had no idea what the hell was on his mind. And he was very anxious to know what she would say once he told her.

They met in the front and walked in, and were seated at a booth. They smiled at each other before looking at the menu. Grissom decided on the simple Stir-Fried Broccoli. Sara decided on something called the Kang Ped Delight, which had bamboo or something in it. Grissom was impressed with her adventurous tastes, and he told her so.

"Yeah, I've gotten pretty adventurous with this stuff since I became a vegetarian. Which I guess I have you to thank for," she said, grinning at him.

"Well, we really got something out of that little pig, huh?" He said, thinking back to the pig they used in an experiment many years ago.

They lapsed into a comfortable silence for a few seconds.

"Uh, Sara-"

"Look, Grissom-"

They both giggled. Grissom said, "You first."

"I just wanted to say, thank you. Thank you for letting me confide in you the past couple of months. I've been talking to a therapist, but it's a very slow process. Talking to you has been really helpful to me, and I appreciate that. And what happened at the hospital, I know I freaked out a little. I admit, I was scared."

"Well, I don't blame you. Not only was it full of bad memories for you, but you were in a life or death situation. I'm proud of how you handled it, Sara, I really am. And you will never understand how sorry I am that I left you alone. God, Sara, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault. But thank you for being there for me. It means so much."

He nodded and gave her a smile. He knew he had to say something now, or he would probably lose his nerve forever. I wouldn't put it past me, he thought.

"Well, I am happy that you feel safe in confiding in me. Look, there's something you need to know. I've been wanting to tell you this for a while, and--"

"You and Sofia are together, right? I knew it. I mean, that's great, "she said, not looking happy about it at all. "I'm happy for you. That's wonderful. I mean, that's great. I mean, that's really--"

Grissom reached out and again grabbed her hand, a gesture they were both getting used to.

"Sara, please, let me talk. Sofia and I did have dinner, yes. But we aren't together. We spent most of the night talking about you, actually."

She frowned.

"What did she say about me?"

"Nothing that wasn't true, Sara. But that's not the point," he rushed on as he saw her start to frown again. "I've realized, over the years and especially over the past couple of months, that I...have feelings for you. Now, these feelings are complicated and I don't always understand them. And I actually thought I had feelings for Sofia but then she made me see who I really want to be with, and Sara, I know I haven't been very good about my feelings in the past, and I know I'm not being very forthcoming now, either, and what I'm really trying to say, which I've been trying to say for a while now, but it's hard for me to say because well, I don't know..." Gil stopped talking, almost forgetting what his point actually was.

"Grissom? I'd sort of like for you to finish your thought."

"Okay. I love you."

Sara stared at him. She stared at her boss, her peer, her confidante. She stared at him directly in his piercing blue eyes. And it made him very, very nervous.

Before she had a chance to reply, he added, "And I know that might be strange coming from me and I admit I don't really know how to express love in a way that is normal, so this is really all that I have to offer, that being, you know, my love--"

And now it was her turn to grab his hand.

"Grissom, please shut up. You don't have to talk anymore. I...I love you, too. I have for a long time, but you know that. Hell, everyone knows that. But the past couple of years have been hard. You have rejected me more than once, and it hurt. So...I don't know what exactly you want me to say right now."

Well, that was not the response he was expecting. Not for the first time, he questioned relationships and why they had to be so complicated. Bugs were simple. They had a rhyme and a reason. They had a purpose and they stuck with it at all costs. Why couldn't Sara understand he was baring his soul here? He _knew_ he rejected her in the past, but it wasn't the past anymore! Why couldn't she just accept him and take him into her life? He didn't understand.

"What do I want you to say? I don't have a script, Sara. I guess what I want to tell you is that I want to do this. I want to start a relationship with you outside of work. I want to take care of you, I want to help you. I want us to have a partnership, you know? I want _you."_

She smiled, that famous smile of hers he loved to see. Whenever she gave him that smile, he felt like things would be okay. But now he wasn't so sure. He wasn't exactly expecting her to jump out of her chair and kiss him on the lips, but he did expect a little more than this.

"I appreciate you reaching out to me like this, Grissom. I do. And a year ago I would be sitting next to you, holding your hand by now. But I've been to counseling, and I've done some soul-searching, and I don't want to rush head-first into something that might be more harmful than helpful. I just...want to know you're serious before this happens."

Grissom was quiet for a minute, thoughtful. It was Sara's turn to be nervous. He just didn't know how he could reassure her that he wouldn't hurt her.

"Well...I know I've hurt you in the past, and I am deeply, deeply sorry about that. And I wish I could say that I will never hurt you again, but what do I know? We can't make each other promises like that. Right now I can offer you facts. The facts are...I am in love with you. I want to be in a relationship with you. I want to take care of you. I want to be the man you thought I was back when you had your feelings for me. Because, Sara, I didn't think that I could ever be who you thought I was back then. But now? I will do what it takes to make sure I am."

And he was spent. Those 11 sentences were probably the most emotion anyone had every gotten out of him. Sara looked like she had the wind knocked out of her. It took them both a minute to recover.

Thankfully, their food was finally brought out, and they eat in a somewhat uncomfortable silence.

After a silence that lasted seemingly forever, Sara took a gulp of water, swallowed, and said, "We'll see. Let's take it slow, okay? Be patient with me."

Grissom nodded, but wasn't quite satisfied.

"I'll wait for you, Sara. I'll wait as long as you'll let me. But I have to know...do you want this to happen? I understand your reluctance, of course. But do you even want...to be with me?"

Sara took another gulp of water. He guessed her food was pretty spicy.

"Look, I may be taking it slow, but know this, Grissom - I have never wanted anything more. I'm just trying to be less impulsive and more cautious. But believe me, I want this. More than you will ever know."

That was all Grissom needed to hear. They smiled at each other and continued eating their dinner. When they were finished, they walked out of the restaurant hand in hand. Grissom couldn't imagine anything could feel better than that, not even his bugs or his experiments. Before getting into their separate cars, he squeezed her hand, and they shared a goofy grin.


	5. Chapter 5

**Well, I kinda want to continue with this fic but it can't all be about Sofia, so I guess it's more heading in the direction of what other distractions get in the way of Grissom and Sara's relationship. And of course, there are many.**

A YEAR OR SO LATER...

Gil Grissom had obsessed over cases before, but there hadn't been many that frustrated him more than this miniature serial killer. Serial killers always made him furious. The way Paul Millander slipped through his fingers was still something he had nightmares about. But this miniature killer was really something. Whoever it was, they made tiny replicas of crime scenes and sent them to Gil, leaving him and his team to try to figure out the missing pieces of the puzzle.

It got so intense, he almost forget he was in a relationship. He saw Sara every day, a good portion of the day, and yet they barely got any time to be alone together. Sometimes he just wanted to stop everything, leave the lab and drag her home with him, but he couldn't do that. Ever. He was a supervisor. He was in charge of a very high-profile team in Las Vegas, and he had responsibilities.

Fortunately, Sara understood this. Well, most of the time. Sometimes she, too, got frustrated with the amount of time they spent together. But they were both workaholics, caught up in the game that was solving the crime. He admired her abilities, her attention to detail, her love of science. He also loved the curves of her body, the way she moved when they made love, the way she moaned when he kissed her earlobe, how she smiled at him when they both woke up from a long, much-needed sleep.

As time went on, Gil found himself becoming increasingly more frustrated as to how many distractions would come up to try to thwart his romance with his young and beautiful colleague. So many times he found himself wanting something but needing to tend to his obligations first. And this serial killer was not helping things at all. This killer was so imaginative, so very anal about all the little pieces of the puzzle. Grissom almost felt like he could relate to his tormenter. One was trying to create a puzzle and the other was trying desperately to solve it.

One day, after shift was over and everyone was scattering every which way, Sara came into Grissom's office while he was studying yet another miniature.

"Grissom...why don't you come home with me? I'll make you some lunch, we can watch a movie or something, maybe go to sleep or something?"

He shook his head.

"You know I want that, Sara, but this case is killing me. I feel like it's just in front of my nose and yet I can't see it."

"Well," Sara said gently, "It'll be there later, Gil." She hated calling him by his first name, but he insisted. He told her it felt so formal when she'd always call him by his last name.

"Yes, it will, but maybe so will another murder. This will be over soon, Sara, I promise. We WILL catch this guy."

She smiled, muttered a good-bye and left his office alone yet again. He knew she'd just go home, cook some veggie enchiladas and do some internet research, maybe getting a couple of hours of sleep before the next shift. He hated that she couldn't sleep. He wish he could be there to help.

When he found himself alone in his office, he turned off the light, locked the door and put his feet up on the desk. He gave himself a few minutes to zone out, to forget about this damn serial killer for a second. He found himself thinking about the rocky beginning of his and Sara's relationship, and how it took her a while to really give in and trust him.

A YEAR SO AGO

After their dinner where Grissom confessed his feelings for her, their relationship was slow to develop. But it did, in fact, develop.

Sara rapidly warmed to Sofia now that she knew they weren't competitors. The team of Sofia, Greg and Sara did well together and received many compliments from the higher-ups. But then Nicky was kidnapped, and everything changed.

They all watched him down in that coffin, surrounded by ants, pleading for his life. Warrick watched as his best friend nearly took his own life. Grissom read Nicky's lips while he left his good-bye message. Everyone else watched in horror as their colleague and friend went through something they could never dream possible. For days after Nicky was rescued, Grissom and Sara found solace in each other. They clung to each other in the throes of a new relationship. They spent as much time as they could together, acting almost like newlyweds. In fact, their first kiss was merely hours after they found Nicky. It sounds callous, but they couldn't help themselves.

When Nicky was found, they all found themselves following his ambulance to the hospital. Nobody wanted to go home, and nobody wanted to go back to the lab. It was all about Nick, their good friend and co-worker. Grissom, Sara, Warrick and Greg stayed at the hospital nearly 24 hours, until the next shift started. Catherine went home to her daughter, threatening violence on anyone who didn't call her the second something new with Nick happened.

After an hour or two, Grissom rose from his uncomfortable waiting room chair to retrieve some coffee. Sara followed him. Nobody thought this was strange; they just thought the two of them wanted coffee.

"Hey," Sara said, watching Grissom fill up his cup.

"Hey," he said. He looked so very tired.

"I just wanted a second alone with you. It's been such a crazy night, and I just...needed a second with you."

He nodded. He gave her a long, comfortable hug.

The two had been seeing each other just a month or two, and had yet to kiss. It was taking them longer than they though to get used to the whole touchy-feely thing after not being able to touch each other for so long. And, of course, they couldn't be clingy at work, that just wouldn't be professional. So when they touched, even if it was Grissom taking Sara's hand or Sara giving Grissom a neck rub after a long day, it was always a strong gesture. It always meant something. It was never devoid of meaning.

After the hug, they both smiled at each other. Grissom moved a strand of Sara's hair that was in her eyes. And then he leaned forward and kissed her.

Sara was so shocked that she dropped her coffee. On Grissom's foot, no less.

"Oh, my god! I am so sorry, Griss, let me--"

"Shh," he said, not caring about the heat that was generating on his shoe.

And he kissed her again. And it lasted a long, long time. And it was so, so good.

When they both came up for air, Nick's doctor came pacing down the hall. They composed themselves and talked to the doctor about Nick's condition.

"He's going to be fine. There's not going to be any lasting effects from the ant bites except a few scars. He does have a few scratches and cuts, but they're all superficial. It could have been worse, but this guy's a fighter, you should be proud."

The doctor went back to the operating room, and Sara and Grissom went back to their colleagues, holding hands until they were near the waiting room.

That had been a nice, quiet moment in their relationship, bonding over the near-death experience of their friend Nick. And in the year they had been together, they would share many more moments like that. But that's really all their relationship was - a string of moments that occurred when they had a chance to get away from the lab.

Sometimes they'd talk about how they ended up in a career that demanded so much of their free time, how they allowed their job to completely consume them. But they also agreed that speaking for the victim of an unspeakable tragedy was way more satisfying than many people would ever understand. They agreed that it was frustrating to be in a relationship where they saw each other so infrequently, but they also both acknowledged that it would be worth it in the end.

BACK TO THE PRESENT

Gil drifted back from his daydream.

His relationship with Sara was completely satisfying to him, but then again, it worked well for his personality. He worked, worked, worked, and when he felt like he couldn't work anymore, he found comfort in her arms. He _knew_ that Sara wanted more of him, but he took it for granted. And he _knew_ he was taking it for granted, and yet never quite did anything about it. On one hand, they talked over and over again about how the job took precedence, how important it was to understand each other's roles in the lab. And on the other, he knew that this would all come to a head eventually, and Sara would be the one to instigate it.

He was right.

Eventually, they found the source of the miniatures, one Mr. Ernie Dell. It haunted Grissom to watch that man kill himself, and it kept him up for days. Everyone thought they had caught the miniature killer, but Grissom wasn't so sure. There were so many little things that still bothered him, and again, it was like it was right in front of his face.

To get his mind off the situation, Sara took Grissom to Komol to try to get his mind back to the present while reminding him in a girly way where it all began. However, instead of being happy to get out of the lab and get his mind on other things, Grissom did not look happy.

"What's wrong?" Sara finally asked after trying to start numerous conversations.

"Ernie Dell was not the miniature killer, I'm almost sure. God, this is really getting to me, Sara, I can't even tell you."

Sara smiled at him, and even that did nothing to ease his worry.

"Griss, he confessed. It's over. Why would he confess if he didn't do it?"

"I don't know, but I have a feeling--"

Sara put a finger on his lips. He looked offended.

"It's over. He confessed. Please, come back to the present. Enjoy our few minutes we have to ourselves, okay? Is that really too much to ask?"

"Yes, actually, it is. I just can't get my mind off this guy--"

"You never seem to be able to get your mind off of something, Gil Grissom. You know, it's okay to just relax sometimes. It's okay to take a deep breath, recognize a job well done and relax with your loved ones. But...you can't do that. In the year or so we've been seeing each other, there's always something that takes you away from me. Yes, I understand that happens in our line of work, because you know why? I'm there, too. I see what's happening. And I'm just as much of a workaholic as you are. But I can take a few minutes and say, "Wow, it sucked at work today but at least I have you." And you, it appears, aren't capable of doing that."

Gil was quiet. She was right, and he had no way of defending himself

"Nothing to say to that, huh? Look, I'm gonna go, okay? I'm gonna call a cab and go back to work. When you feel like you can take, oh, I don't know, an hour off, let me know. Until then...well, whatever."

She looked at Gil and he gave her a long, desperate look. For a moment, he could tell she was tempted to stay. But she slowly got up, walked out of the door and didn't look behind her.

He sighed. She was right, and he needed to do something about it. He didn't want to lose Sara Sidle, not now, not ever. She didn't know it, but she was the other half. She made him whole. He was tempted to throw everything to the wind for her, but he'd rather just find a balance. He wanted to know how to balance both the job and the relationship. She could do it, and before he came into her life, she was the biggest workaholic he knew. So why couldn't he do it? Why couldn't he cut the cord?

Grissom knew what he had to do. He was offered a teaching position at Williams College. It would just be for a month, and he would teach a seminar on Thoreau's Walden, something he had read about extensively. He ran it past Ecklie when it first came up and Ecklie, much to Grissom's surprise, was enthusiastic about the opportunity. He thought it would be good P.R. for the lab.

It was what he needed, he thought. He needed a sabbatical to take time to think about what was really important. He didn't understand how to balance his relationship and his career at the same time, but if meant losing Sara Sidle, he would figure it out.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	6. Chapter 6

**This chapter took FOREVER to write but I knew I'd get there eventually. I don't know much about seminars and sabbaticals and Thoreau or even Massachusetts, but, you know, I guessed. :) This chapter includes that wonderful letter Gil wrote to Sara when he was gone. I mean, swoon, right?**

**Thanks for all the reviews and please keep them coming.**

**Also, Shakespeare's stuff isn't mine. But we probably knew that.**

The days leading up to Grissom's hiatus were tense between him and Sara. He wanted to tell her he was going because he wanted to take some time to think about how to fix their relationship, but she never gave him the chance. She didn't answer her phone when he called, she ignored him at work except to remain professional and talk about the case at hand. When anyone mentioned his sabbatical, she'd get quiet and look away. Nobody noticed. Everyone was too involved in their own lives to notice how frustrated Sara seemed to be.

Grissom knew she'd be okay. She'd been through a lot more than this and came out of it just fine. He knew she wasn't happy now, but he'd make it up to her when he got back. In his mind, it all seemed to make sense. Then again, Gil Grissom was hardly an expert on the female thought process. If he just sat down and talked to her for a few minutes before he left, he'd know that she was feeling very insecure about the whole thing. He'd know she thought he'd given up on her completely. He'd know she was really quite pissed off about that, actually.

The day he left, he said his goodbyes to everyone except Sara. He couldn't find her anywhere. He roamed the halls of the lab until he found her in the locker room. He timidly walked in and said, "Hey. My cab's here."

She frowned a little and he instantly wished he wasn't going anywhere. He wished he could just close the door of the locker room and giver her a long, passionate kiss. But that wasn't the deal between the two of them anymore. Not now, anyway.

"So, you're going?" She asked, a hint of bitterness in her tone.

"Yeah," he said, not knowing what else to say.

"I'll see you when you get back," she said. Oh, that burned. Of course she would; they worked together. She didn't say, "Call me while you're gone" or "Come by when you get back." This was not good. It was all so...impersonal.

She turned away from him to put her coat in her locker. In those 30 seconds, he thought of at least 17 things he could have said to her. Instead, he said, "I'll miss you."

She just looked at him, her face blank. He could tell he was losing the battle here, so he turned around and walked away from the woman he loved with all his heart. Suddenly, this sabbatical seemed like a very bad idea.

As his taxi took him far, far away from everything he knew so well, he could only think that he was doing the right thing for everyone. He just hoped Sara would eventually feel the same way.

When Grissom made it to Massachusetts, he met with the people in charge of the Walden seminar. They were all very nice and knowledgeable, and Grissom felt like the 4 weeks he would spend there would not be wasted.

They drove him to the hotel he'd be staying at, which was in walking distance of the campus. They told him he could order a car to take him back and forth, but he declined. He welcomed the chance to perhaps get a little exercise in while he was in a different environment.

In his comfortable and large hotel room, he took out his battered copy of Thoreau's Walden and made some notes for the first day of his seminar. Walden was something he was deeply interested in and studied when the lab wasn't knee-deep in cases. He was happy to have a chance to teach a seminar on the subject, and he hoped to learn even more about it as he was teaching.

Grissom wondered about the kind of students that would want to be at this particular seminar. They would probably be different than the ones who came to his entomology seminars. The people who came to those were always quite dedicated and had a lot in common with Grissom. That was, after all, how he met Sarah Sidle. He smiled at the memory of how they first met, when she came up to him after a lecture on double murder in a garage. He didn't notice her in the audience when he was first giving the lecture, but later, when she came up to him to talk about something he said, he found himself captivated by this woman. She was so curious and so determined, and it was refreshing after meeting so many people that were completely indifferent to what he was lecturing about. They found themselves having coffee together, and after getting an idea about her professional history, he eventually became her mentor, and more than that, her friend.

God, he missed her. He wanted to call her. He wanted to at least open his laptop and send her an email, but that was so impersonal. Why was it so hard for him to communicate with her? They had been together more than a year and it shouldn't be so hard, but it wasn't something that came naturally to him.

Over the next couple of weeks, Grissom kept picking up his cell phone and never dialing the number he knew he needed to call. He had so much to say to her but didn't know how to express it. He was sorry he left so hastily. He was sorry he always seemed engrossed in everything else but her. He was sorry she felt neglected; that was the last way he wanted her to feel. He was sorry he was such an uncommunicative bastard, but that's how he'd been all his life. He wanted to be with her and would try anything to make it work.

He also wanted to tell her about Debbie, but he wasn't sure what it was he wanted to tell Sara about her. Honestly, Debbie caught Grissom completely by surprise.

She was there during his first lecture. He noticed her in the audience because, well, she wanted him to. She was wearing a very short skirt and admittedly had nice legs, and he enjoyed looking at them. Her long chestnut brown hair framed a pretty face that displayed a permanent eager smile.

But he didn't really recognize her until she approached him after the lecture.

"Gil Grissom, what the hell are you doing in Massachusetts?" She said in her patented Texas accent. "Don't you have enough excitement over there in Vegas?"

He looked at her closely while he packed up his things. He was eager to get back to the hotel so he could call Sara, or go through the motions of wanting to call Sara. But then he had a dawning of recognition. Debbie Simpson, former CSI turned writer. He met her when he did a couple of lectures down in Austin many years ago. They were around the same age and had many things in common, which Gil didn't come across that often. He found her to be quite interesting. She had a keen eye for detail and was one of the brightest CSIs he'd ever met. A few years ago, she burned out and started writing crime novels that the public couldn't get enough of. He read every one of them.

"Debbie, how are you? What does Massachusetts have to offer you these days?"

:"You, of course!" They both shared a laugh, but Gil was a little uncomfortable. Why WAS she here, really?

"I'm teaching a class at Williams on forensics for the Criminal Justice department. I had a bit of writer's block and needed something to do to bring me back, so this is it. It was my idea to bring you down here, actually. I know you've studied Walden a great deal and couldn't think of anyone better to do a seminar."

Grissom had no idea it was Debbie who wanted him to come down to Massauchusets, but it didn't make him immediately suspicious. They were friends, and they respected each other. They communicated through mail every couple of months and it was a satisfying friendship to involve themselves in when they weren't too busy.

After Grissom had been there 2 weeks and had a nice pattern going with his days, Debbie asked him if he wanted to have dinner after his lecture that evening. She was still coming to every lecture, and he was starting to get...ideas about what she had in mind. But he agreed to dinner. He was eating mostly microwaved dinners every night and it would be nice to go somewhere to have real food.

She took him to her favorite restaurant, Coyote Flaco. They both enjoyed Mexican food after living in Austin and Vegas respectively, so they had a nice evening with laughing and sharing stories. He appreciated Debbie's company and respected her intelligence.

"I know I don't have to remind you of this, Gil, but remember our one crazy night together?" Debbie said after having a few too many margaritas. "God, that was hot."

"It was also, what, 20 years ago? I have to give you credit, Debbie, you still look the same as you did back then. You look great, really."

She rolled her eyes.

"I work out like a fiend, Gil. You have to these days if you want respect, even intellectually." Grissom couldn't help but think about Catherine. She always looked great and she did seem to have a good amount of respect among the staff. Interesting, he thought.

"Anyway, I still think about that night. A lot. You were an animal, Gil Grissom, a damn animal."

He was a little uncomfortable with this subject but he still let himself think back to that one Fall night. He used to think of that night a lot. He was barely 30 years old when it happened, and it was the first time he ever really let his inhibitions out for someone to see. He trusted Debbie, so he held nothing back. It got kinky, and it got hot. It really had been an amazing night (which turned into an amazing morning and an amazing afternoon), and he was grateful to her that she participated in it 100 percent. But that was a long time ago, and he was with someone else now. He and Sara never had that kind of wild, passionate sex. It was always about making love with them. It was nice, but sometimes he longed to break out the animalistic side he rarely showed.

"Yeah, that was good stuff," he said, coming back to reality. "I really let out some frustration that night."

"So, Gil, are you seeing anybody right now?" She asked. She tried to sound casual, but he thought he noted just a little bit of desperation in her voice.

"Yes, I am. I'm...in love, actually." He didn't know what it was about Debbie, but he didn't feel like he had to keep anything from her. He felt some kind of safety in her presence.

"That's wonderful, really. I just got a divorce. Oh, don't look at me like that. He was an asshole. It's a good thing."

"Well..I'm glad you're happy, Debbie."

She gave him a look of pure, animalistic lust and said, "Me too, Gil. Me too."

After dinner, they walked back to his hotel. He said goodnight and opened the door to his room. She went inside his room before he could stop her.

Oh, great, he thought. Here it comes.

He had expected her to make some kind of move. He didn't expect, however, to be aroused by that particular move. She pinned him against the door and kissed him, biting his lip, running her hands down his body. In spite of himself, he moaned a little. This only encouraged her. But it was when she started putting her hands down his pants that he was jolted back to reality.

"Debbie, please. I'm in love, I can't be doing this."

She either didn't hear him or didn't want to hear him, because she continued trying to unzip his pants.

"Debbie! Stop!"

She finally stopped.

"Sorry, Grissom. Really, I am sorry. I just couldn't...help myself. That one night we had together was seriously the most passionate night I've ever experienced. Sex with my husband was never as good as it was with you that one damn night. You got me through a lot of sleepless nights, Gil, you really did. And that just sticks with a person, you know?"

He sighed and sat down in a chair at his desk. She sat on the bed, and they talked for a few hours. She told him about her awful divorce, and he told her all about Sara Sidle. When they were out of words to say, she gave him a kiss on the cheek, and she left. She didn't come to any more of his lectures.

The very next night, he found himself staying late at the school. He sat at his desk in the office they provided him with, and he wrote a letter. Earlier that day, he had been reading a book of Shakespeare's sonnets. He planned to use them in a lecture the next day, but there was one that ran him over like a truck in the way it reminded him of Sara. God, it was like this poem was written just for her.

_Betwixt mine eye and heart a league is took,_

_And each doth good turns now unto the other:_

_When that mine eye is famish'd for a look,_

_Or heart in love with sighs himself doth smother,_

_With my love's picture then my eye doth feast_

_And to the painted banquet bids my heart;_

_Another time mine eye is my heart's guest_

_And in his thoughts of love doth share a part:_

_So, either by thy picture or my love,_

_Thyself away art resent still with me;_

_For thou not farther than my thoughts canst move,_

_And I am still with them and they with thee;_

_Or, if they sleep, thy picture in my sight_

_Awakes my heart to heart's and eye's delight._

He had to write Sara a letter. Again, he wanted desperately to call her but he couldn't seem to do it. He told himself he'd come here to get over the things he couldn't seem to do with this relationship, but he felt like he had to get through these 4 weeks without calling her to prove a point to both himself and Sara. He wasn't sure what that point was, but it gave him a convenient excuse not to call.

So he wrote a letter. He wrote that their parting was awkward, and that he wasn't sure why it was so difficult to express his feelings. He wrote...

_Even though we're far apart, I can see you as clearly as if you were here with me... I said I'll miss you, and I do._

When he was satisfied with the letter, he sealed it in an envelope. He got as far as writing her name and part of the address of the lab on the envelope, and then stopped. He couldn't send this to her. He had to talk to her in person. A letter was not going to be the right direction to go at this point, he thought.

And then he sighed, because there never failed to be some kind of distraction to get in the way of his love for Sara Sidle. If it was another beautiful woman, an old lover, an out of town seminar, his overbearing workaholic personality, and now...it was just impatience. He wanted to leave Williams immediately and find her, tell her everything, but he, of course, had to finish his sabbatical. And he figured, well, if I can't see her, I can't write her, or call her. It didn't make sense. He knew it didn't make sense. And yet, he didn't do anything about it.

In the end, he found that his trip did do him some good. He thought he did well with his lectures and received great feedback from the students. And he found himself eagerly anticipating getting back home to the lab and, of course, to Sara Sidle. He couldn't wait to see her. He couldn't wait to sit down and talk to her about everything he felt over the past month. He wanted to tell her every single thing that went through his mind. He might, however, omit the part about Debbie. He might not, however, try to keep himself from wanting to have some crazy, animalistic sex with the woman he loved. He'd have to see if she'd be into it. There was a little bit of an animal in Sara, he thought, and he would enjoy trying to coax it out of her.

He didn't foresee any distractions getting in the way of finding the arms of Sara when he got home. He hadn't, however, counted on Michael Keppler.

DUN DUN DUN! To be continued!


	7. Chapter 7

**Well, this chapter was the hardest to write, especially because the last couple of chapters weren't very well-received and I thought about just abandoning the damn thing altogether. But I couldn't, so here it is. Please review if you wish. And beware of complete fluff at the end.**

On the flight back to Vegas from Massachusetts, Grissom found himself drifting off in spite of himself. He was both satisfied with how his sabbatical went and incredibly anxious to get back to the lab. His first priority was definitely Sara, but he also wanted to meet this Keppler person he'd been hearing about. He called the lab once or twice while he was gone to check on things and talked to Catherine both times, but she seemed completely preoccupied in a way that was maddeningly frustrating to him. He needed to know what the hell was going on in his lab.

But on the plane, as he drifted off into dream world, he found himself dreaming of Sara, which was strange in of itself. He never dreamed about places or people he knew, it was always something completely abstract and random. He actually kept a dream journal by his bed to record these random acts of subconsciousness. When Sara learned about she had laughed and laughed. But when she looked through it, she looked at every page with complete fascination. She told him that he was the most interesting man she knew. He took it as a compliment.

The dream was simple; he was merely embracing her. He was holding onto her for dear life, and she was clutching his arms tightly. This went on and on and on and he woke up nearly in a cold sweat. _Damn, _he thought to himself. _What the hell was that about?_

He didn't have much time to think about it because his plane was landing at McCarren International. He secretly hoped Sara would be there waiting for him, but of course she wasn't. And why should she be? He never called or wrote her, the only thing he did do was send her a cocoon, which he hoped she put in his office. He knew that had been out of left field, but he had to something. Besides, he thought she'd get it when it bloomed.

Grissom took a cab to the lab, bringing all his suitcases into his office. He would go home later; now he had other things on his mind.

The first person who intercepts him on his journey to his office was, unfortunately, Hodges. Grissom respected Hodges' work and thought the man worked miracles with DNA. But he would never tell him that, of course. Honestly, he found Hodges to be completely creepy, and not totally in a harmless way.

Just proving this theory a little more, Hodges revealed that he had taken Grissom's seminar online. He was sufficiently creeped out again by this man, especially after finding out that Hodges was, in fact "Spanky." He took leave of him and finally made it to his office. He let out an audible groan when he saw the piles and piles of mail lying on his desk.

Avoiding the mail, he peeked into a few of his many terrariums and smiled when he comes across the cocoon. Sara did know where to put it. This pleased him greatly.

God, he couldn't wait to see her. The sabbatical really made him think through the things he'd been putting off for so long. While he was at Williams, he didn't bother shaving and grew a pretty impressive beard. He lost a little weight from walking to Williams from his hotel every day. He got plenty of rest and what's more, plenty of chances to just sit and think. He would cut back on work. Maybe he'd become part-time and let Catherine take over for a while. She was ready for it. What he realized was that his feelings for Sara started that very first day they met in San Francisco and had only gotten larger than life from there. He tried to deny it for so very long because he just didn't know any other way. But now? Now he was ready.

But again, there were other things to attend to before he could find Sara. Brass filled him in earlier about the double homicide and the cop from New Jersey. He hesitantly left his office, on a search for the elusive Michael Keppler. He didn't have to go far; Keppler was also roaming the halls. The two men stopped and greeted each other. Keppler complimented Grissom on his fantastic team. Grissom asked him for details about the double homicide and if he knew the cop, since Keppler was also from Trenton, New Jersey. Keppler said, "Do you know how many retired cops there are in Trenton?" Before Grissom could answer, Keppler was already walking away. And Grissom became instantly suspicious.

For the next couple of hours, Grissom gathered information about the double homicide case. He went to a scene Warrick was processing and the two men discussed the case. Grissom asked Warrick about friction in the lab while he was gone, and Warrick said, "Ever heard of reverse forensics?" And now Grissom was more than suspicious, he was downright mad. This Keppler guy came into HIS lab and tried some stupid, risky move like reverse forensics? He thought twice about going part time. He wasn't even gone a month and the lab had some asshole making everybody nervous and putting everyone's careers in jeopardy.

When he got back to lab, he again hesitantly stepped inside his office. He leered at his giant stack of mail. Just as he was about to open one of the packages he received, he got a glimpse of Sara walking down the hall of the lab. Finally! He raced out of his office and said, a little too loudly, "Sara!"

She turned around, total surprise registering in her eyes. He noticed she was, well, a little smelly.

"Hey!" She said, trying hard to look cool and collected. "You're back."

"Yeah," he said. "Yeah"? That was all he could manage to say? Well, there were so many people roaming the halls around them and there were so many things he wanted to say to her. "Yeah" was the only thing he could muster.

She started backing away from him. He walked towards her, which kept her walking away.

"Uh, I've been out at a--at a, um--"

"Garbage dump?" Grissom provided for her. He was greatly amused by how embarrassed she seemed to be. Yes, she was a little...ripe, but to him, she had never looked so completely beautiful. She was like a breath of fresh air to him, ironically enough. He wanted to tell her that, but she just kept backing away from him. He wished she would just stand still for one damn second.

"Yeah, it's so obvious, isn't it?" She finally stopped for a second and took a good look at him. He guessed she was noticing the massive beard he had grown while he was away. "Nice, um--you look good." She then continues to walk away from him. Argh! This was not what he had in mind his first day back.

"Did you put the cocoon in my office?" He asked her. He knew she did, but wanted to gauge how she felt about it.

"Cool, dry, not a lot of light. It seemed like the right place for it."

"I think you're going to be surprised when it hatches," he said.

"I have no doubt," she said in a completely mysterious way that he didn't know how to gauge at all. "I'm gonna go clean up now."

He nodded and said, "See you later."

She stops for a second and says, "Yes, you will." And she walks away, so very far away, way too far away for him.

And he doesn't go after her. He doesn't get to call her and say, "Okay, that wasn't awkward, now come into my office and we'll really talk." Instead, he gets swept up again in the Keppler mess that was taking over the whole lab. Before he landed in Vegas he imagined he would work for a while, talk Sara into leaving early, and they'd go back to his place and camp out for a few hours. That wasn't going to happen. He didn't know when he'd see her again, but soon, that became far from his mind.

Soon, Catherine and Warrick storm into his office and they talk about the case. He learns more about how shady Keppler keeps appearing to be. Nobody had even heard from Keppler for hours, and this was obviously not good. He sent everyone out to investigate further, and spends a little time with his mail. It was all the usual, just a whole month's worth of it. He opens it all, but leaves a mysterious-looking box for last. He was just about to dig into the box when his phone rang. It was Catherine, upset about Keppler's state of mind. She didn't think he had anything to live for and was worried he was going to do something stupid. Grissom sighed. How did Catherine get so emotionally attached to everyone she worked with? And in such a short time, too. He told her that he was sorry about Keppler, but she needed to be focusing on finding the witness to the homicide.

After they hung up, Grissom knew Catherine would focus on trying to find Keppler. This frustrated him, but he got up to go to the scene anyway. It looked like Catherine was going to need him, and he was going to be there.

He found out where Catherine went and drove to the hotel. He arrived to see Catherine running alongside a gurney, a million ambulances and a million cop cars. He assumed Keppler was in the gurney. He raced out of his car to find Catherine a sobbing mess. He sees Keppler getting hooked up to a defribillator and shocked, and it has no effect. They try a few more times to shock him, and there's nothing. One of the paramedics say, "He's gone." Grissom sighed. Catherine cried. Grissom grabbed Catherine by the shoulders and took her away from Keppler's body, letting her cry into his shoulder.

He got Catherine in his car and took her home. She was hesitant--she wanted to go back to the lab, but Grissom wouldn't let her. He said, "Come back tomorrow, Cath. Get some rest. Calm down. Come back, and we'll deal with it, okay?" She nodded and slowly walked inside her house. He knew she'd be okay, she'd been through worse.

As soon as he knew Catherine was safely inside her house, he picked up his cell phone. He dialed Sara. When she answered, he said, "Where are you? I need to see you." She was still at the lab, but Warrick and Nicky were handling what was left of the Frank McCarty case. He tells her to meet him at his townhouse, she readily agrees.

30 minutes later they're inside his townhouse, kissing desperately, not caring they had too many things to say to each other. Grissom knew he should be back at the lab helping Warrick and Nick, but...he just had to take care of this first. This was what was important to him now.

"Sara," he said in between breaths for air, "I need to talk to you!"

Breathlessly, she said, "Yes, you do. Not now." He took that as a cue to shut up. They moved it to the bedroom and their clothes were off in seconds. They made love at a furious pace, when usually it was slow and languid. It seemed like they both had something to prove.

When it was finally over, after what seemed like hours later, Sara lie in Grissom's arms, looking at the ceiling, a slight grin on her face. "So...what was that sabbatical about, exactly? I mean...I know I put you in a tough spot, but I didn't know you'd have to leave for a month to...do whatever it is you did."

He turned to face her. She smiled at him in spite of herself. He knew she was trying to stay cool, but it wasn't exactly working like she planned.

"I realized that I need to figure out what to do about us. It may not seem like it, but Sara...I've lived a certain kind of life for the past 25 years. I've had a romance or two but nothing that really got me excited about anything. When I met you, I knew if I did something about...this...that it would change my life completely. And I wasn't ready for that. And I guess when we started this relationship, I still wasn't completely ready for it. I always let something, a distraction, get in the way of what was really important. And I'm sorry. I'll do whatever I need to do, Sara. I'm thinking about going part-time and letting Catherine take over. Hell, if you want me to retire, I'll do that. I'm ready, Sara. I'm ready for us. I'm ready for you."

Well, he didn't mean it all to come out like that at the same time, but he was glad he finally got it all out of his system.

Sara chuckled. "Wow, I should send you out on sabbatical more often!" She said, playfully pinching his bare arm.

"Gris, I don't need you to retire. I just need you to balance things a little better. Instead of staying for hours after shift, just leave when it's over. Leave things at the office sometimes, you know? We both know how hard that can be, but I'm learning. I'll teach you as we go along. And I'm sorry that I blew up at you that night at the restaurant, but you have to understand - that's what happens in relationships. People get mad, but they get over it. I understand now that you thought I was giving you an ultimatum, and maybe it did sound like that. But I was really just...trying to get your attention."

They both chuckled, and talked for a while about what they could do to improve communication. He felt silly he underestimated Sara's feelings for him, but he was still glad he took the sabbatical. It gave him the clarity of mind to do what he couldn't believe he was about do.

When Sara got up to go to the bathroom, he pulled a small box from his bedside table drawer. He quickly put it on her pillow. When she got back from the bathroom, she noticed the box. Wide-eyed, she picked it up gently and opened it, staring at him in disbelief as she did so. Inside was not an engagement ring from Tiffany's. It was a plastic ring with a butterfly painted on it.

"I don't know the first thing about engagement rings and I thought that maybe you didn't either. I saw that in a gumball machine in Massachusetts and I had to get it for you."

She grinned, that grin that always made his heart take a nosedive.

He got himself out of bed, came over to her side and kneeled down on one foot. She was now giggling like a schoolgirl.

"Sara Sidle, will you...be my butterfly?"

She snorted. "That is cheesy, Gil Grissom. But, of course I will. Of course."

They both knew they had a long road ahead of them and it would probably be paved with rocks instead of concrete, but they didn't care. They were both ready for the next distraction.

**Okay, yeah, that was a bit of pure fluff :) But come on, you liked it, didn't you? I think this is the end to my little story, so thanks for reading it. Review if you wish, I'd appreciate it. **


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